Wise Cracks From A Wise Guy

Farewell Dear Friend and Old Rafflesian

Our dear brother, schoolmate, Soh Keng Joon, old Rafflesian left us on the 21 Dec 2023. He died of respiratory failure when Covid-19 affected his lungs, gave him pneumonia a few days before. We shall miss a very humorous schoolmate, known for his wise cracks.

Keng Joon was very active boy in School, a school prefect and a long distance and cross country runner. He was in Morrison House and brought that house many honours. He was also in the Raffles Players with Alec Lim, Chong Huai Seng, Rajan Khrishnan and Lionel Lee of our cohort. Jaya Prakash reminded that Keng Joon designed the programme cover for the Raffles Players 'MacBeth' produced in 1969 when we were in Pre-U II. We had great fun in the backstage at the Raffles Players Production. Way into the night, at the backstage, Keng Joon would strum his trusty guitar and belt out many tunes like Today or Angel of the Morning

Many of us wrote condolences and attended the wake and funeral service:

Chua Song Chye: "It's a very sad news to lose a very good friend since primary school. Keng Joon never lost his witty side despite all his health challenges. It was a comfort that the few of us had breakfast with him at his house on Thu, 14 Dec and he was in good positive spirits. Rest in Eternal Peace my dear friend. You are now in a better place with God. Deepest condolences to Flora, his sons and daughter."

Fok Fook Kong: "My deepest condolences to Flora, Benedict and the rest of the family of Keng Joon. I will miss him as my classmate from Primary 1 all the way to Sec 4 (10 years) and our various jamming sessions at his house."

Rajendram: "RIP, brother Keng Joon. Another of my dear friends has left me. 😞"

Mohandas Menon wrote: "Sad to hear about Keng Joon's passing. Your Trials and Tribulations are at an end Keng Joon but those of us left behind will mourn the loss of a good man and a friend. RIP'

Chey Chor Wai: "KJ's daughter, Rachel, said at the end of the service at Mandai that she would commemorate her father by eating his favourite food tomorrow morning. It is 1 roti prata plain and 1 with egg, and a teh halia. She encouraged all those present to do the same. That happens to be what I will order if I eat prata. So I will be doing exactly that tomorrow morning!"

Lionel Lee: "I was at the wake with Joo Huak, Rajan and Swee Chuang and remarked to Flora that the embalmers did a very good job. They puffed up his cheeks with fillers. No longer having sunken cheeks he looked handsome like his former school boy look."

Elangovan: "Sad to hear Keng Joon’s demise.  May he rest in peace. ☹️"

Wang Swee Chuang: "Deepest condolences to Flora and family. I always remember the way Keng Joon looked at me with his puppy eyes when I was late for school and he was the prefect on duty at the gate that day. He let me off with a stern look on his face and told me not to be late again. He had a job to do but was also compassionate . That's him. May he rest in eternal peace with the Lord."

Suntheralingam:  "So sorry to hear about this. My sincere condolences to the family of Soh Keng Joon. I remember him well as my Sec 4 classmate. He was a runner, and used to sing and play the guitar. I remember he hosted a "chicken rice" lunch once at Goldhill Plaza (I think) that turned out to be a grand multi-course lunch.  Though he was badly affected by a stroke, he was in high spirits whenever with us. I have felt the difficulty in him whenever he tried to talk with me.  May he RIP."

His humour never left him, even though about 15 years ago a bursting aneurysm in his brain left him slightly paralysed, unable to walk without assistance and affected his speech. Then more recently he had a kidney tumour and it was removed. A man who survived about 15 years with a severe handicap but never without a wise or funny word to say whenever we all met with him. 

He would especially banter with Jaya Prakash. Here is Keng Joon lighter joke on Jayaprakash, "Good crazy Monday morning. Start of a mad week. Ever tried to look for someone called Annie Wan? I did when I was helping a friend n I was using the stadium P A system too.  Impossible as everybody tot I was crazy looking for Any One. Looking for a needle in a haystack to prick you is much easier or my friend Jaya in pitch darkness. (No discrimination intended. He must be a FAIR fellow since he is a lawyer)." We enjoyed his repartee with Jaya. They were always getting at each other’s throat but one can tell that they are best of friends.

Someone said, "I remember a friend who is always full of wit and humour in spite of his years of failing health. Never one to shy away from class gatherings even when it was a huge challenge to attend. At one function, he joked about his 3 wheel “Mercedes” and asked where to park it. Keng Joon was a true warrior and a beacon of light for our cohort and all those whose lives he has touched."

'Being able to laugh at yourself is a sign of resiliency and mental toughness.' Keng Joon was pretty good at joking about himself. Chen Wen shared some examples of Keng Joon's quips

• Good morning. Too busy upgrading my ONE MÀNSHIP. One ear completely deaf, one eye muscles damaged n one kidney removed. Soh don't need two much to survive.

• God in His wisdom provided us with what we may lose but happily keep one brain n one mouth.

• I ask JH whether I could include you in my own group of jokers chat? I said, "Will you UNDER-stand?". He never waited to reply, "Definitely your UNDER will stand". You do have good friends I see.

• I had to fight to be discharged. They wanted to keep me for another day. I refused becos the night Filipino nurse was out to inflict more pain.

Chris Ho contributed:

• PC, I still have my one right kidney 'cos the doc used the keyhole surgery to remove the kidney tumour - No Kid-neying

Soon Hock Bee said that Keng Joon sent this to him on a Good Friday:

• Good Fryday. What are you frying today? 🤔As long as you are not frying Mee. (My spelling is soh bad.)

Teo Joo Huak contributes some of Keng Joon's quips

• I went thru an aneurysm ops where they put platinum coils in my brain. Or for easier understanding, I'm all wired up! 😅

• Good morning. A question to tickle your brain. 'Why are women made to look pretty but also dumb?'. 👩👵-😟????????????   Simple. Pretty so that men will like them. Dumb so that they can like men.

• What do they say when they bury suicide bombers? Simple. 'Rest In Pieces'. 😅

• If Kamala really wins the VP position, Americans will be so shocked they will scream her name backwards (Alamak, a Malay, Singlish expression)

• If you don't go crazy, you are not becoming normal. In RI, I almost took Tamil as a mother-tongue until I met Jaya who spoke strange tongues. Unfortunately, no Hylam - but fortunately got Hylam chicken rice. 😆

• To cut a l-o-n-g story short, '........ you know I can't stand for too long, so I must sit......n when I sit, I normally sit to eat.........n when I eat, I couldn't talk........n when I don't talk, I tell silent jokes.......n when that happens, I laff at n to myself.' That's a long story cut short. Glad you have the patience to take all these nonsense - sitting down I hope. 😷

• Laughter is the best medicine. I live to laff. My strategy to laff is to look into the mirror. That fella I see never fail to make me laff. If I get bored with the guy, can I borrow your photo?

• PM Lee dissolves parliament and asked us to vote Wisely. Opposition parties also tell us to vote Wisely. My friends tell me to vote Wisely. Who the hell is Wisely? No campaign, no posters, no newsletter, no newspaper reports... nobody knows who he or she is! Anybody knows who is Wisely? Big headache!! 😖😖

• Do you know why the whole world needs to take a day off on May 1st? Becos I was born the day before: MAD DAY, MAD DAY,  S O H, S O H is here! 😣

• After the Covid 19 vaccination, you may want the KJ 21 vaccine to guard against his nonsense. (To this Joo Huak replied, I don’t agree. KJ 21 vaccine doesn’t guard agst his nonsense but rather cause the brain to be clogged up with his nonsense !) 🤣🤣🤣

• I remembered in school days we once were given an assignment to write anything we want. I wrote 'How to fool your teacher'. As expected, I receive 'FOOL' marks. How foolish can Raffles teachers get?🤭

Mohamed Tahale Selamat has much more to contribute, the best of SKJ:

• A model I know who use to sleep in her birthday suit woke up one morning fully clothed. She claimed she was dRAPEd. What's wrong with her spelling or was it mine??????? 🤔😃

• Trouble is, you n I were taught English by English people. Remember  Miss Brock (our English teacher, a British Volunteer Officer who always miss her frock?? Like I always sneaked out of Miss Brock's class and as punishment, got to listen to : 'Get back, get back, get back to where you once belong'. Wonder who influenced her?🤔

• Something to keep your dreams wet. The biggest question on the minds of the S'pore Olympic swimming team : 'Why is Joseph NOT schooling?'. Because most of the time he is playing (in) the f(p)ool. 😂🏊

• Good morning. TGIMM - Thank God It's Mad Monday again. I want to share a real tale about myself entitled 'Soh, be it'. Most of you probably didn't know that my surname is originally Toh n not Soh. I gladly encourage my parents to change it at that time as I tot that two strokes down an S could mean instant wealth. But I was Soh wrong.  The strokes could come in many ways. I may have dollars but no common cents. Look at what it has done to me. Too troublesome to change now -  Soh, let it be. 😄

• What a sobering tot? My friend sent me a cake yesterday. My wife is so glad this morning but I am even more glad because she don't have to eat only me(e) for breakfast. 🤔🎂☕😋

• I went to the eye-doctor that day. She told me that I may get double-vision. I said, 'Good'. She was surprised by my answer. I said, "You get to see two of the same wife in one look". 😎😎😄

• Good Monday morning. I'd like to share the importance of song titles n the relevance with the environment we are in. For example, 'GOOD VIBRATIONS' by the Beach Boys was a hit for those living in earthquake ravaged locations. For those living in places affected by forest fires and urban pollution, their top tune is the Hollies, 'Sometimes, all I need is THE AIR THAT I BREATHE'. As for me in little S'pore, climbing Bkt Timah Hill for exercise is very popular. Back then, when I reach the top, my friends always dedicate the Beatles number 'FOOL ON THE HILL' to me. What nice friends I have then. Soh, don't play the fool and climb hills. 😂

• My friends, I have something positive to share. Not about Covid test lah, soh don't worry. Do you know how physically defective I am? Here's what the specialists say. The eye doc says my LEFT eye can't move very much so you are out of sight unless you are within my RIGHT vision. The ear doc says my RIGHT ear is completely deaf n I can't hear you unless you are on my LEFT. My therapist says I need something to balance when I walk - either LEFT or RIGHT. And to top it off, the neurologist says there is nothing RIGHT about my LEFT brain and nothing LEFT of my RIGHT brain. I m almost non-functionable. Dare to take my LEFT/RIGHT nonsense? Like I have said before, being abnormal is not about being not normal. You are being extraordinary. Dare to be abnormal?  🤕🤭🤔💥

• Another mad week - like I have driven around crazy. My wife has been very helpful after my operation. She has been crazily driving SKJ around. She is the master of the reverse forward technique. Incidentally, our car is registered SKJ 6020. Now, if you want to reach your destination safely, choose the right SKJ or you might be driven up the wall by the other SKJ.  🤔😅🚘

• Looking forward to FRI-ed day - fri-ed rice, fri-ed beehoon, fri-ed kway teow n soh on. 😜

• What's SOH bad about lockdown? I can live like a KENG n hopefully come JOON, everything will be ok Then we can try lockup!

• In response to a Singapore minister making snide comments about Raffles Institution, KJ had this to say. What's the fuss all about? I must have come from an INSTITUTION - the one they call Raffles. Soh, the Minister must have been quite RIGHT after seeing what's LEFT of me. Hehe! 😆

• Never underestimate the ability of a  woman to interpret or misinterpret a song title or its lyrics. I tried to sing  the following song (with my own lyrics) to my wife: 'The first time, ever I saw your face. I gave up.....' Couldn't get beyond the first two lines without risking a black eye but what I actually meant was 'I gave up looking at other girls'. 

• A friend I knew only when she was young gave the impression that Cliff Richard's hit 'The Young Ones' was really 'The Young Once'. And I was barred from singing 'Release Me' n 'To All The Girls I Loved Before'. Advice to all you men, - 'Don't play, play when you kara-okay'.

• Come Dec, I will be SOHKENG wet! 💦💦💦😭

• Good day. I made a startling discovery at my last MRI.  Contrary to popular belief, 'I GOT BRAINS dah!' Just as Charlie Chaplin can make you laugh with every move he makes without speaking a word, I can also hear what you don't say when you don't speak . Soh, spread the laughter my friends. There is no lingo so universal, warm n delightfully infectious as a laugh - Happy New Year 2022

• Good day. We just had our anniversary last week. Wow! we have been married for forty over years. Some of you may already know but it is worth  sharing how it first got  started. Over 40 years ago, I was in the accounts dept of S'pore Petroleum Company n Flora was in DBS (DBS owned a huge portion of SPC then). Those days, we use to print our own checks. Our cashier, with a CMB check was given cash from the DBS teller (face too familiar lah). Flora called me to request a replacement check. I agreed, and that's how she got CHECK-MATED. (Any of you guys keen for a game of chess? Who knows, you may end up with a pretty queen for more than 40 years).

• This statement is totally unobscene: A chick caught in a PEN IS stuck with a cock.  🐣🐓Right

• Not soh good a morning. This world is crazy. After hearing so much nonsense, I had this feeling to 'PUT-(h)IN in the bin n send (h)K-IM into space with his ICBMs.  🤔🤭😝

• You know why the whole world is given a holiday tmr, 1st May? May Day, May Day, S O H, S O H is born.  🔥

In response to a friend's enquiry on my family, I have this to say. My oldest son Benjamin is in S'pore. My daughter is a PR in Melbourne. And my youngest son Benedict is travelling with Flora. And I'm starring in the new episode 'Home Alone' - for the oldies. Hit song is 'Oh Soh-le Me-o' (O Sole Mio). 😂

• Just returned from the appt with the doc on my latest MRI scan. Thank God everything is as usual, no change. The next routine MRI scan will be 2 yrs down the road. Soh? Sorry the Soh-non-sense will continue for another 2 yrs and hopefully longer. 😆 (This was in Dec 2021, rather prophetic?)

Tahale wrote "You should read my repartee with him it’s like virtual fencing sharp blades but all in good fun and spirit."

Jaya Prakash contributed this cartoon sent to him by Keng Joon 

Are you now convinced that Soh Keng Joon is a joker? I suspect that many in heaven will now burst out laughing as Keng Joon now join their ranks.

Farewell Keng Joon!

Contributed by Lionel Lee, Chen Wen, Soon Hock Bee, Chris Ho, Jaya Prakash, Teo Joo Huak, Mohamed Tahale Selamat, Chey Chor Wai, Chua Song Chye, Fok Fook Kong, Rajendram, Elangovan, Mohandas Menon, Wang Swee Chuang